Sarah and Miranda are joined by Ruth Whippman, author of Boymom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity to talk about how boys need more but get less, the boys who are dying to talk about their feelings, and the radical power of a board book about a boy and his bags. Plus, do we say “no” to toxic-masculinity media or just say “yes” to better things? And a special round of “Marry, Fuck, Kill!”
This was a great episode, and I especially loved the discussion of what stories we tell about boys. Specifically on board books, I've noticed that there are many board books about children (or anthropomorphized baby animals) being loved by an adult, but in almost all cases the adult is a mom, and in almost no cases is the adult specifically described as dad. There are so many messages about nurturing that get passed along this way!
That said, I was surprised that this conversation didn't discuss the role of dads. For boys with a dad, their dad is their biggest role model for what a man should be like. Moms can do a lot, but if you're a boy growing up with a dad who rarely or never cries, who doesn't spend a lot of time talking to friends about emotions, who doesn't report back on the emotional lives of his friends... you're going to internalize the lesson that men don't do those things. I think a huge piece of the puzzle here is dads choosing to show their own emotions and vulnerabilities in front of their kids. Would love more episodes with dads about how they untangle their own notions of masculinity to model something different for their sons!
such a great point ann! we are actually doing a book club this summer on a very vulnerable book of essays about fatherhood (see substack), and would love to have your thoughts on it.
This was such an interesting episode, as a mom with 3 boys (and a daughter), I am looking forward to reading it!
it's so great
This was a great episode, and I especially loved the discussion of what stories we tell about boys. Specifically on board books, I've noticed that there are many board books about children (or anthropomorphized baby animals) being loved by an adult, but in almost all cases the adult is a mom, and in almost no cases is the adult specifically described as dad. There are so many messages about nurturing that get passed along this way!
That said, I was surprised that this conversation didn't discuss the role of dads. For boys with a dad, their dad is their biggest role model for what a man should be like. Moms can do a lot, but if you're a boy growing up with a dad who rarely or never cries, who doesn't spend a lot of time talking to friends about emotions, who doesn't report back on the emotional lives of his friends... you're going to internalize the lesson that men don't do those things. I think a huge piece of the puzzle here is dads choosing to show their own emotions and vulnerabilities in front of their kids. Would love more episodes with dads about how they untangle their own notions of masculinity to model something different for their sons!
such a great point ann! we are actually doing a book club this summer on a very vulnerable book of essays about fatherhood (see substack), and would love to have your thoughts on it.